As I turned around to check whether he was behind me, I saw a grilled gate come between us. Scared and alone I did the only thing I knew to do then. 'Big pearls of clear fluid' - he would call them - dropped to the ground. It didn't matter if my new uniform got spoilt or that I was given a new water bottle to hand around my neck, I didn't like this new emotion I was feeling! But before I could do or say anything, a tall woman took my hand and took me to my first classroom.
I put my head outside the window, the car slowing picking up speed, I had a big smile on my face as I waved my small hand as hard as I could as we drove away. They were sad, the faces and hands waving back. They were sad. The air was cold and it was almost dusk but I was looking forward. A new colony. A new home. New friends and a new school...
I sat in my loft, surrounded by all the boxes. Almost 10 years it had been since we had moved. I couldn't bear the thought of letting my friends, school and colony go. My house! My room that Ma and I had re-arranged at least a billion times! My balcony where my best friend and I watched the stars in the middle of the night, simultaneously being bitten by numerous mosquitoes! The court where I attempted to learn tennis! The lawn where we had so many parties in... I couldn't let go...
I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe...
I sit on my bed, folded legs, a cool October breeze caressing my face and I feel suffocated. I think of the days to come. I think of the time that I would have to move again. Leave this comfortable place. This place where I finally let go and became me. Where I discovered so many different aspects of myself. Where I had found true and false friends. Where so many more memories were and are still being made. Memories that seem stronger because I am older and cling on to them harder. I look outside at the empty ground and I wish I were 5 again. When even the goodbye at the end of the day didn't matter and think why should a goodbye after 3 years matter! I wouldn't see these people again. Sure, we would keep in touch, maybe even meet the first few years... then..? Then Life takes control. She changes you. She pulls you away from this wonderful time. Creates a new world, a world that would mean more, that would mean as much as this world means to you right now. I know. Because I've been through it once already.
No one is to blame. Not even Life. Its a cycle, I suppose... I like to think of it as a chapter in my personal diary. Actually if I were writing my journal regularly, then these wouldn't just be chapters! They would be parts of a huge series! Series bigger and greater than the Harry Potter or Famous Five series! I am sure there are others whose lives are better.. but this is my life, my time, my friends, my chapters, my moments, my memories, my goodbyes and I will make each of them worth it!
I disliked and disapproved of my dad's preaching's about not feeling anger and other negative emotions. I believe each emotion is developed to be felt and dealt with. How else would you enjoy the positive ones? If you don't believe in philosophy, science has already proved it! It's called the Principle Of Relativity.
I dread the day I say goodbye to my new made family here, I dread the change that I myself will go through again, but I console and promise, as I had done years earlier, that I will never leave a moment un-lived, a memory not made and I will never keep anything to regret in my years to come. I will write a story so wonderful that my grandchildren would ask me to repeat every phase over and over again...
But for now, I live with the dread and suffocation, awaiting my next transition.The next train. The departure. I live with heightened senses and receptors, receiving and preserving every single silly thing as an important token.
As I stood outside my new home, I waved and smiled with mixed emotions as my family drove away. There had been tight hugs but no tears. I didn't want them to know I was sad but also glad. I felt guilt but was excited. I turned around, that September evening, and walked into the hostel doors and started a new chapter.
I put my head outside the window, the car slowing picking up speed, I had a big smile on my face as I waved my small hand as hard as I could as we drove away. They were sad, the faces and hands waving back. They were sad. The air was cold and it was almost dusk but I was looking forward. A new colony. A new home. New friends and a new school...
I sat in my loft, surrounded by all the boxes. Almost 10 years it had been since we had moved. I couldn't bear the thought of letting my friends, school and colony go. My house! My room that Ma and I had re-arranged at least a billion times! My balcony where my best friend and I watched the stars in the middle of the night, simultaneously being bitten by numerous mosquitoes! The court where I attempted to learn tennis! The lawn where we had so many parties in... I couldn't let go...
I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe...
I sit on my bed, folded legs, a cool October breeze caressing my face and I feel suffocated. I think of the days to come. I think of the time that I would have to move again. Leave this comfortable place. This place where I finally let go and became me. Where I discovered so many different aspects of myself. Where I had found true and false friends. Where so many more memories were and are still being made. Memories that seem stronger because I am older and cling on to them harder. I look outside at the empty ground and I wish I were 5 again. When even the goodbye at the end of the day didn't matter and think why should a goodbye after 3 years matter! I wouldn't see these people again. Sure, we would keep in touch, maybe even meet the first few years... then..? Then Life takes control. She changes you. She pulls you away from this wonderful time. Creates a new world, a world that would mean more, that would mean as much as this world means to you right now. I know. Because I've been through it once already.
No one is to blame. Not even Life. Its a cycle, I suppose... I like to think of it as a chapter in my personal diary. Actually if I were writing my journal regularly, then these wouldn't just be chapters! They would be parts of a huge series! Series bigger and greater than the Harry Potter or Famous Five series! I am sure there are others whose lives are better.. but this is my life, my time, my friends, my chapters, my moments, my memories, my goodbyes and I will make each of them worth it!
I disliked and disapproved of my dad's preaching's about not feeling anger and other negative emotions. I believe each emotion is developed to be felt and dealt with. How else would you enjoy the positive ones? If you don't believe in philosophy, science has already proved it! It's called the Principle Of Relativity.
I dread the day I say goodbye to my new made family here, I dread the change that I myself will go through again, but I console and promise, as I had done years earlier, that I will never leave a moment un-lived, a memory not made and I will never keep anything to regret in my years to come. I will write a story so wonderful that my grandchildren would ask me to repeat every phase over and over again...
But for now, I live with the dread and suffocation, awaiting my next transition.The next train. The departure. I live with heightened senses and receptors, receiving and preserving every single silly thing as an important token.
As I stood outside my new home, I waved and smiled with mixed emotions as my family drove away. There had been tight hugs but no tears. I didn't want them to know I was sad but also glad. I felt guilt but was excited. I turned around, that September evening, and walked into the hostel doors and started a new chapter.
