Through The Darkness Of The Tunnel, The Train Arrives.

The world was upside down. As she lay on her bed with her head dangling off the side, she quietly contemplated her life. In the darkness she could barely make out her table and book shelf but her eyes were on the mirror- fearfully expecting a ghastly figure to pop out. A childish scare. She felt older now. The tables had turned. No longer was she the one taken care of, she was now the caretaker. No longer did she need an escort everywhere she went, she had become the escort. When had this change happened?


It was a sunny afternoon, she was in the front seat for a change, in-charge of notifying any upcoming speed-breakers on the road, while the ladies dozed in the back seat. She gazed outside over the valley, the little canal lazily flowing through, the monkeys jumping from tree to tree, the little children who flashed a big grin and waved back at her, the random purple bungalow, the WB truck with eyes of a woman painted over his headlights, the shimmering pond, the dense trees, the women working in the fields, the mirages up ahead... She was just about to push the stop button of her walkman to tell her father about the mirage when she was sucked back into the darkness of her room. How long ago was that? Have so many years really passed away so quickly? 


 It was midnight. The city was asleep but she wasn't. Under the white spot light of her table lamp, she worked on her math for school when she heard someone mumble. She turned around to see her tiny sister sit up, glassy eyed sleep talking. She screamed out her name frightened and terrified. Her eyes snapped open. Her head had begun to hurt with all the blood gushing downwards towards her head. She is all grown up now, older, wiser, a tiny bit more responsible. I feel so proud. 


She sat up and lay down flat on her stomach.Straightening out her stuffed toys as she did. She was in her pretty skirt and painful shoes. The irritating stage lights were flashing again when she felt him take her hand and twirl her around the dance floor. How instantaneously he could get a smile on her face! She laughed like never before and noticed a mischievousness twinkle in his eyes. But before she could stop it, he had had her in an awkward dip. She playfully hit him. She looked up smiling and saw his droopy eyes wink at her as his face disappeared into the darkness of her room. Is he going to remain a mere bundle of photos and memories? 


She rolled over her back and looked at the fan. Was it already time to say goodbye? Didn't we just have a farewell the other day? Clad in a copper sulphate blue saree, she tried to strut around the school assembly hall, nervously and very self consciously catwalk-ing for the crowning of the schools' fashion title. The slam books, the photo sessions, the outings, the empty promises to meet again, the long distance phone calls, the inland letters that eventually stopped being delivered... 


She glanced nervously at the mirror again. Maybe I should cover it with a cloth...  and she looked elsewhere. Her eyes fell on the obese books that were stacked on one another on her table. Its time. she thought, It's time for the next chapter. The new tide is rising, slowly moving in, unstoppable. And I am at the beach. The tide, that will fall over it and change the entire landscape around it, is on its way. 


She was lying on a sandy beach, the sea licking her bare feet, the breeze toying with her lush open hair. She is in her room, the reflecting mirror troubling her again, she frowns. Her lids are heavy. What time is it?  She sees the sun peeking out of the horizon, causing the waters to shimmer and dance as she drifts into her sweet slumber...

Letting Go.

Wrote this almost a year ago, thought I'd post it anyway. :) 

She sat there under the chestnut tree, waiting. She knew he'd never show, because that's what they had decided on.
Yet she waited as she always did, while the wind relentlessly attempted to wipe away her free flowing tears... She promised to wait just that one day and never to do so ever again. She was weak, she knew she was. She needed his presence, his love, his touch... He soothed her... He controlled her... He understood her... She knew she'd come back again...
She looked up at the overcast sky and then the indifferent people walking by and thought,'how silly we people are...we want to be pampered and loved all the time... As if they were mere 4-year olds... Talked to... Given attention to..fussed about...'
She watched the happy couples strolling hand in hand, looking lovey-dovey and recalled how much it had disgusted her, how it had make her skin cringe, how she believed it was such a waste of time and how everything changed once he came along...
'Oh whats the point in pondering over this now' she moaned to herself, 'He's gone now and its all your own fault...'
She remembered how this common dislike to relationships was what had brought them closer... When they moved from being collegues to friends and when it became a crush...she could not recall... But they were happy... Every second together was pure joy...
Then she recalled the fights they had, the silly things she wished he'd do, the things he stopped doing, the places they stopped going... It got complicated and there seemed no way out.
Friends bitched and consoled. She hated hearing them say bad things about him. He wasn't such a bad person. She knew him. They didn't! What gave them the right to talk that way!
She always loved unconditionally... Her biggest weakness... No matter how much someone hurt her... She'd always love them... Care for them... Wait for them...
It was time to let go again... Time to move on... She couldn't make the same mistakes again... She had believed this would be different... Yes it was. It was more mature... Yet pathetically immature... More beautiful... More delightful... It just had the same sad ending... No one likes sad endings... But it's what the movies always fail to tell... Most of life is a sad ending... But did someone say the ending was what we were living for? We watched movies for the songs and dances, the laughs and the fights, the heros and the heroines! Not only for the ending!
She smiled as she recalles how many of her friends never understood this key fact about life and always skipped to the last page or scene in the book or movie! She let a sigh of relief out when she realized there was more to life than him. Her whole gang of friends, her family oh-so-far away.. they all still loved her, even if he didn't seem to.
She looked up at the tree as a small breeze rustled it's leaves and took one loose one into the air and far away. She closed her eyes and smiled for the leaf that was finally free.