In this self-obsessed world, I feel light. Brought up in a life where vanity was a sin, I could never wrap my head around "I". Even as I write this post, I feel heavy at every place the word "I" is typed in. It was very recently that I realized that I am as self-centered and selfish as the person next to me.
Survival of the Fittest. Oh, Darwin. How true you are. 'Fit' in the human world does not restrict itself to strength. Survival here amongst these crazy adults requires intelligence, love and affection or simply tolerance . Surprised?
Love is selfless, some people like to say. Love amongst family is so. They will love each other with no expectations and a lifetime worths commitment. But love for a significant other? Most relationships are grown on expectations drawn by the media. You expect gifts, flowers and calls. A neglect of those expectations and it is declared a failure. The world doesn't revolve around love or sex or money or power. What does it really revolve around? What is the primal purpose of life? Well, if I knew that I would have written a world-wide/nobel-prize-winning article, lecturing at a grand spiritual/scientific lecture instead of blabbering my heart's pain here on a silly blog, right? But why is it that we think these things make the world go round? The feel good chemicals that run through your bloodstream when you acquire any of them? The respect and appreciation of others? Why do you look for love? So you can have someone love you back. Someone to take care of you. Someone to listen to you. The magical three words themselves have my dreaded "I" in it. So, love is selfish. You love so you are not alone. Because evolution shows safety in numbers. You love so you are safe. Because you have someone to protect you. When someone leaves, they do so because they are in pain or out of love; rarely visa versa.
"Love and loss share the same unmade bed" - Micheal Faudet
If love were selfless, shouldn't one in love just be happy as is. If love were all forgiving, wouldn't one find leaving their beloved as easy as walking through a park? But alas, it isn't. Love is self-centred. As are you. Before you start changing your views about sly little love, let me tell you that it's ok. Love begins out as any seed and its desire for water does. Sucking water for its survival. Not thinking of anything except water. A lust. But allow it to grow and it evolves. It develops into something so beautiful, budding fruits for the world and creating shelter for many. People in love are good for each other. They help in their growth. It takes time, effort and patience. {random thought: if you are in a destructive or abusive relationship, now is a good time as any to leave}
As I grow older, the meaning of love changes. The selfish purpose remains of course but there is a light of maturity in which I view it now. Love isn't lust or a teenage crush anymore. It isn't just holding hands and saying the 3 words out loud. It is about caring and being there for someone else as they would be there for you. { random thought: is it really a trade off?} It is about patience and acceptance of your similarities and differences. It is about tolerance and the beauty of silence that you can share. It is about evolving and growing with each other, for each other. Then you can be selfish together!
So, self-obsessed and beautiful though love might be, remember pain is as natural as oblivion is inescapable.
Later Edit:
"Often, when we say, “I love you” we focus mostly on the idea of the “I” who is doing the loving and less on the quality of the love that’s being offered. This is because we are caught by the idea of self. We think we have a self. But there is no such thing as an individual separate self. A flower is made only of non-flower elements, such as chlorophyll, sunlight, and water. If we were to remove all the non-flower elements from the flower, there would be no flower left. A flower cannot be by herself alone. A flower can only inter-be with all of us… Humans are like this too. We can’t exist by ourselves alone. We can only inter-be. I am made only of non-me elements, such as the Earth, the sun, parents, and ancestors. In a relationship, if you can see the nature of interbeing between you and the other person, you can see that his suffering is your own suffering, and your happiness is his own happiness. With this way of seeing, you speak and act differently. This in itself can relieve so much suffering." - Thich Nhat Hanh, How To Love.
Later Edit:
"Often, when we say, “I love you” we focus mostly on the idea of the “I” who is doing the loving and less on the quality of the love that’s being offered. This is because we are caught by the idea of self. We think we have a self. But there is no such thing as an individual separate self. A flower is made only of non-flower elements, such as chlorophyll, sunlight, and water. If we were to remove all the non-flower elements from the flower, there would be no flower left. A flower cannot be by herself alone. A flower can only inter-be with all of us… Humans are like this too. We can’t exist by ourselves alone. We can only inter-be. I am made only of non-me elements, such as the Earth, the sun, parents, and ancestors. In a relationship, if you can see the nature of interbeing between you and the other person, you can see that his suffering is your own suffering, and your happiness is his own happiness. With this way of seeing, you speak and act differently. This in itself can relieve so much suffering." - Thich Nhat Hanh, How To Love.
