"Age, Madam?" Asked the man across the strange glass counter. It had a centrally placed punched out circular window and the horridly small slit at the bottom to transfer documents. She hated these counters.
"Madam?" He repeated. "Oh! 22!" She exclaimed quickly to make up for the time that had been wasted by her day dreaming. Or was it 20? Wait... It's '13... So I turn 23 this year. Yeah yeah I am 22.
As she walked away from the counter she wondered whether it mattered. Whether how old she was made a difference. A young adult. That's what she was. When I cross the 30 or 45 mark it would a difference to the health system, why should I be bothered now?
She was young, energetic and filled with dreams. She loved the freedom. The freedom to roam, freedom to an opinion. Isn't it lovely that I can simply, without thought or rationalisation, climb into a bus or car and go shopping? Not answerable to anyone! I can stay up as late as I wish to too! Eat as much and as little I want to!
Why did we have to go through years of college to do a job, years of struggling to do monotonous repetitive work? Years of our youth learning things, mugging them up... Shouldn't we be living? 'Live in the present' they say. How? Where? Amongst books? In the constraints of a hostel with 'adults', who think they know what they are doing, supervising us?
She suddenly felt trapped. She took a deep breathe, released all those knots in her chest and made her way through the sunny afternoon back to her room. It had been her 'home' for the last 5 years. The room was filled with different things,tit-bits from her travels in and around the city, clothes, memories and books she had collected over the years. She had come to this room a child, a naive 18 year old. She had got stuck in a lot of unnecessary controversies over the years because she didn't know what to say and when to say it! Though older and wiser, she knew she still hadn't changed much. There were social customs to be maintained, opinions to be withheld, compromises to be made. All this for the people around that you loved and cared for more than yourself. She didn't like doing so for everyone. It made her skin cringe at times and suffocated but it was the price she had learnt to pay and silently endure ( or at least silently for the one she was compromising for). Was this what adulthood meant? Compromise? Being unhappy for the happiness of others? She thought as she tugged on her full sleeved lab coat to protect her skin from the harsh UV-B and redirected her deep blue umbrella against the blazing sun.
"Madam?" He repeated. "Oh! 22!" She exclaimed quickly to make up for the time that had been wasted by her day dreaming. Or was it 20? Wait... It's '13... So I turn 23 this year. Yeah yeah I am 22.
As she walked away from the counter she wondered whether it mattered. Whether how old she was made a difference. A young adult. That's what she was. When I cross the 30 or 45 mark it would a difference to the health system, why should I be bothered now?
She was young, energetic and filled with dreams. She loved the freedom. The freedom to roam, freedom to an opinion. Isn't it lovely that I can simply, without thought or rationalisation, climb into a bus or car and go shopping? Not answerable to anyone! I can stay up as late as I wish to too! Eat as much and as little I want to!
Why did we have to go through years of college to do a job, years of struggling to do monotonous repetitive work? Years of our youth learning things, mugging them up... Shouldn't we be living? 'Live in the present' they say. How? Where? Amongst books? In the constraints of a hostel with 'adults', who think they know what they are doing, supervising us?
She suddenly felt trapped. She took a deep breathe, released all those knots in her chest and made her way through the sunny afternoon back to her room. It had been her 'home' for the last 5 years. The room was filled with different things,tit-bits from her travels in and around the city, clothes, memories and books she had collected over the years. She had come to this room a child, a naive 18 year old. She had got stuck in a lot of unnecessary controversies over the years because she didn't know what to say and when to say it! Though older and wiser, she knew she still hadn't changed much. There were social customs to be maintained, opinions to be withheld, compromises to be made. All this for the people around that you loved and cared for more than yourself. She didn't like doing so for everyone. It made her skin cringe at times and suffocated but it was the price she had learnt to pay and silently endure ( or at least silently for the one she was compromising for). Was this what adulthood meant? Compromise? Being unhappy for the happiness of others? She thought as she tugged on her full sleeved lab coat to protect her skin from the harsh UV-B and redirected her deep blue umbrella against the blazing sun.
She loved, dreamed and wanted to travel. A backpack, a durable pair of shoes, her dear camera and a map and guide is all she wanted. Take a billion angles of the Eiffel Tower, dip her feet into the English Channel, walk through a cherry blossom garden, make snow angels, climb through the Grand Canyon, sun bathe in the beachs of Hawaii, watch the New Years at Beijing, listen to the endless stories of every unique place!
You do know you need heaps of money for all this, don't you? She reminded herself as she stepped into her hostel lobby, breathing out a gush of relief as she escaped the glaring and angry sunlight. She pressed her finger onto the biometric device that kept a unusually close check on her whereabouts and thought how unfair it was that a lot of her friends had a lives that were easy,simple and fun! Without such restrictions and rules. She had friends who were working in the metros of the country, friends who were abroad completing their masters! They seem to be having the life that we all dream of when we were at school. My time will come too. She reassured herself climbing the stairs remorsefully. What if its too late? What if I can't even walk a 100m without panting by the time I save enough for my world tour? What if I end up spending the rest of my life compromising for the people I love? What if I never do save up enough to go in the first place! She felt tears filling in her eyes, her anxiety had got to her again.
Breathe iiin breathe out.
She realised she was getting anxious about things that hadn't even begun to happen! She was romantasizing and simultaneously crashing her own castles she had built in the clouds! She laughed at her silly self.
While she collected her clothes she had left to dry just few hours back, she smiled and sang to herself a song she loved oh so much -
"When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother
What will I be
Will I be pretty
Will I be rich
Here's what she said to me
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be"
1 comment:
All of us go through this phase over and over again, whether you are a child or an young adult or middle aged or.......The trick is to appreciate what we have at any point in time and set our goals for the next phase. The Eiffel tower would not seem so beautiful if you got it on a platter. I never appreciated the Taj Mahal because I got to see it easily and numerous times yet it the most beautiful monument in the world! everything is relative enjoy the present and yearn for the future, that is what life is all about!
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