Immortal Limbo

Its cold. Her toes, fingers. Numb. She usually loves this feeling. But this time, this time its different. She is lying on snow. White clean fresh snow. She should be happy. She should be gleeful. But she is numb. 
Wet wind blows over her face. Somehow this seems more real. She floats to a different time. Driving in the backseat, sunglasses on, hair all haywire. She is grinning ear to ear. This is heaven. This really is. Make this moment go on loop. Why must we move on? Why must we move forward? Why must we be mortal? 

You know why you love fiction? Beacuse you get to live in this immortal, undying world of someone else. You are 15 forever, you are beautiful forever. That happy ending is forever. Grimm's fairy tales were originally literally grim. They were modified and chiseled to fit a more acceptable version for the children. 

Life is bitter. It is inconsiderate, hurtful even. It took a while before I realized that life wasn't about the happy times or reaching the happy times. Its about the hardships and pain. The joyous moments were simply a temporary reward. A little sweet to chew on after a hard day at work. 

What was the purpose? Why are we here? Why do we go through the cycle of shifting, living, reliving? I read a quote somewhere about how there are actually a limited number of things you can do for the first time. Then, then you live in the past. The past is a part of you. Your choices, your decisions. Your pain is all a part of you. Sure you can preach about living in the Now and the past being the past. But remember the past is always a part of you. It is what makes you unique. On the other hand, I read that when time isn't of an essence, memories lose their meaning.  

She wasn't where she was anymore. She wasn't here either. She was lost in a limbo where nothing is real and everything is intangible.  

Ghost

The patter of the summer rains filled her chest with a deep longing. Have you ever taken a shower in a shower without a shower? She thought smirking. It seemed like ages she had walked down those cobble-stoned paths, dripping in thirst quenching falls. The little streams rushed to find their little homes, moving with their own current, making their path if need be.

She signed as she desperately tried to touch the rain through her grilled windows. Wouldn't a hail be just perfect? drawing her arms back inside to wipe her sweaty face with it.
"Silly girl!", he said looking at her shenanigans. Startled she looked toward her tiny kitchen. He stood there with two cups of boiling coffee, trying desperately not to let the rain drops from his hair somersault into the vessels. He thought himself a coffee-connoisseur  and was rather adamant about how he made it.

She blinked for just a second. The unpaired cups back on their shelves neatly arranged. The coffee aroma just a hallucination. There wasn't anyone else in the apartment. Her heart had stopped and now was racing. Stupid heart. Her eyes filling with little pools of water, she looked outside at the shimmer street lights and the dancing river.
"You really want to go swimming in the river?" his voice said again. This time he was sitting right next to her on the ledge. She could smell him. He never really smelled the same every time. A rack full of perfumes, that's what he had. It was pretty intriguing how a guy could be so conscious about it. Quite an entertainment, guessing which one he wore when. A gush of wind blew through and she watched his smiling face dissolve away like an exiting slide on power point. She reached out to touch his face... but he was already gone.

The breeze lingered, drawing her attention back to the recently bathed roads and  glistening trees. Small little cars honked their way home. Her grumbling stomach added to the street music. She halfheartedly rose from her cosy corner to take out a piece of pizza. The microwave lazily hummed while she rummaged through the fridge for some more junk items and ice cream.
"That is dinner!?" he bellowed. She literally hit her head trying to see where he was now. Somewhere -one could call it the hall- between the kitchen and the common area, he stood lecturing her about nutrition and vegetables. She couldn't hear a thing. Maybe because the ringing in my head is so loud. She walked slowly towards him, careful not to scare him away. As she neared, he unfolded his arms but still had his playful stern look. He thinks he can scare me into eating veggies with that! she giggled. She was inches away from his arm when the microwave beeper went off and *poof* he vanished again.

Angry and hurt, she couldn't understand what was happening. She stomped back to the microwave, and slammed it shut. Memories, just memories. That's all. She was alone when she met him and she was so when she left. But a bag full of memories is what she had. Painful, tragic, happy & blissful. How unfair life is. Showing her a piece of paradise, giving me a bite of that sinful apple and then taking it all away; like a punishment.  

She sulked back to her spot and took a bite of the leftover dinner. Argh! He was right. She gulped down the glass of cold drink when she heard him laughing. " I'm always right. That looks nasty!" She looked at his droopy little eyes and started laughing with him. Without any more attempts to check his reality, they spent the rest of the night in a series of conversations that made no sense to anyone expect to the two of them.