Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Immortal Limbo

Its cold. Her toes, fingers. Numb. She usually loves this feeling. But this time, this time its different. She is lying on snow. White clean fresh snow. She should be happy. She should be gleeful. But she is numb. 
Wet wind blows over her face. Somehow this seems more real. She floats to a different time. Driving in the backseat, sunglasses on, hair all haywire. She is grinning ear to ear. This is heaven. This really is. Make this moment go on loop. Why must we move on? Why must we move forward? Why must we be mortal? 

You know why you love fiction? Beacuse you get to live in this immortal, undying world of someone else. You are 15 forever, you are beautiful forever. That happy ending is forever. Grimm's fairy tales were originally literally grim. They were modified and chiseled to fit a more acceptable version for the children. 

Life is bitter. It is inconsiderate, hurtful even. It took a while before I realized that life wasn't about the happy times or reaching the happy times. Its about the hardships and pain. The joyous moments were simply a temporary reward. A little sweet to chew on after a hard day at work. 

What was the purpose? Why are we here? Why do we go through the cycle of shifting, living, reliving? I read a quote somewhere about how there are actually a limited number of things you can do for the first time. Then, then you live in the past. The past is a part of you. Your choices, your decisions. Your pain is all a part of you. Sure you can preach about living in the Now and the past being the past. But remember the past is always a part of you. It is what makes you unique. On the other hand, I read that when time isn't of an essence, memories lose their meaning.  

She wasn't where she was anymore. She wasn't here either. She was lost in a limbo where nothing is real and everything is intangible.  


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