Wrote this almost a year ago, thought I'd post it anyway. :)
She sat there under the chestnut tree, waiting. She knew he'd never show, because that's what they had decided on.
Yet she waited as she always did, while the wind relentlessly attempted to wipe away her free flowing tears... She promised to wait just that one day and never to do so ever again. She was weak, she knew she was. She needed his presence, his love, his touch... He soothed her... He controlled her... He understood her... She knew she'd come back again...
She looked up at the overcast sky and then the indifferent people walking by and thought,'how silly we people are...we want to be pampered and loved all the time... As if they were mere 4-year olds... Talked to... Given attention to..fussed about...'
She watched the happy couples strolling hand in hand, looking lovey-dovey and recalled how much it had disgusted her, how it had make her skin cringe, how she believed it was such a waste of time and how everything changed once he came along...
'Oh whats the point in pondering over this now' she moaned to herself, 'He's gone now and its all your own fault...'
She remembered how this common dislike to relationships was what had brought them closer... When they moved from being collegues to friends and when it became a crush...she could not recall... But they were happy... Every second together was pure joy...
Then she recalled the fights they had, the silly things she wished he'd do, the things he stopped doing, the places they stopped going... It got complicated and there seemed no way out.
Friends bitched and consoled. She hated hearing them say bad things about him. He wasn't such a bad person. She knew him. They didn't! What gave them the right to talk that way!
She always loved unconditionally... Her biggest weakness... No matter how much someone hurt her... She'd always love them... Care for them... Wait for them...
It was time to let go again... Time to move on... She couldn't make the same mistakes again... She had believed this would be different... Yes it was. It was more mature... Yet pathetically immature... More beautiful... More delightful... It just had the same sad ending... No one likes sad endings... But it's what the movies always fail to tell... Most of life is a sad ending... But did someone say the ending was what we were living for? We watched movies for the songs and dances, the laughs and the fights, the heros and the heroines! Not only for the ending!
She smiled as she recalles how many of her friends never understood this key fact about life and always skipped to the last page or scene in the book or movie! She let a sigh of relief out when she realized there was more to life than him. Her whole gang of friends, her family oh-so-far away.. they all still loved her, even if he didn't seem to.
She looked up at the tree as a small breeze rustled it's leaves and took one loose one into the air and far away. She closed her eyes and smiled for the leaf that was finally free.
She sat there under the chestnut tree, waiting. She knew he'd never show, because that's what they had decided on.
Yet she waited as she always did, while the wind relentlessly attempted to wipe away her free flowing tears... She promised to wait just that one day and never to do so ever again. She was weak, she knew she was. She needed his presence, his love, his touch... He soothed her... He controlled her... He understood her... She knew she'd come back again...
She looked up at the overcast sky and then the indifferent people walking by and thought,'how silly we people are...we want to be pampered and loved all the time... As if they were mere 4-year olds... Talked to... Given attention to..fussed about...'
She watched the happy couples strolling hand in hand, looking lovey-dovey and recalled how much it had disgusted her, how it had make her skin cringe, how she believed it was such a waste of time and how everything changed once he came along...
'Oh whats the point in pondering over this now' she moaned to herself, 'He's gone now and its all your own fault...'
She remembered how this common dislike to relationships was what had brought them closer... When they moved from being collegues to friends and when it became a crush...she could not recall... But they were happy... Every second together was pure joy...
Then she recalled the fights they had, the silly things she wished he'd do, the things he stopped doing, the places they stopped going... It got complicated and there seemed no way out.
Friends bitched and consoled. She hated hearing them say bad things about him. He wasn't such a bad person. She knew him. They didn't! What gave them the right to talk that way!
She always loved unconditionally... Her biggest weakness... No matter how much someone hurt her... She'd always love them... Care for them... Wait for them...
It was time to let go again... Time to move on... She couldn't make the same mistakes again... She had believed this would be different... Yes it was. It was more mature... Yet pathetically immature... More beautiful... More delightful... It just had the same sad ending... No one likes sad endings... But it's what the movies always fail to tell... Most of life is a sad ending... But did someone say the ending was what we were living for? We watched movies for the songs and dances, the laughs and the fights, the heros and the heroines! Not only for the ending!
She smiled as she recalles how many of her friends never understood this key fact about life and always skipped to the last page or scene in the book or movie! She let a sigh of relief out when she realized there was more to life than him. Her whole gang of friends, her family oh-so-far away.. they all still loved her, even if he didn't seem to.
She looked up at the tree as a small breeze rustled it's leaves and took one loose one into the air and far away. She closed her eyes and smiled for the leaf that was finally free.
2 comments:
feel sad that you have had to experience such feelings so early in life....
loved the way you have captured it
:)
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